Kendall Seeks a Medium
by waitingFORthePERFECTsong9092
Summary: AU: In order to help him heal, Kendall seeks out Theresa Caputo (Long Island Medium) to help him contact James, the love of his life who has recently passed. SLASH! KAMES! Warning: Mentions of character death!


_**So I decided to take on a challenge, and that's writing this one-shot fic. I've been obsessed with Long Island Medium for a while now (I'm from Long Island, I actually don't live too far from Theresa Caputo herself), and I decided to bite the bullet (no pun intended) and write this fic. **_

_**I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING MIA FOR A LOOOOONG TIME! I was going through some personal stuff, and my partner in crime has been having issues of her own. So between that, writer's block, and writing this fic, I've been neglecting my other story! But I am writing the next chapter that should be up soon (like maybe this weekend soon!) **_

_**This fic has taken me over a month to write, and that's not talking about the proofreading and add-ons to this story. In my opinion, this is probably my hardest working fic I've done to date. I've really put my all in this, this has been my baby, and I'm really excited this is finally getting out there.**_

_**For anyone who doesn't know, a medium is someone who can communicate with people who have passed on. Now, there are a lot of skeptics out there (and don't think this is me trying to make you believe in something), and I used to be a skeptic. My mom and I went to see Theresa Caputo last December at the Theater at Westbury (I have no idea what bank sponsors it now, I just call it Westbury Music Fair, or the Theater at Westbury), and let me tell you, I became a believer. She said things about people, and things that happened that you couldn't just tell from someone on person. And Theresa explains how (if it's a private reading) she only knows the person's first name, and phone number, and maybe their address. But in a group reading like this, she wouldn't know anything! **_

_**She has a TV show on TLC called "Long Island Medium", and I've been catching up on all the seasons I've missed. And it just hit me, at the end of an episode that I want to write a fic based on how she runs her private readings. I have not had a private reading with Theresa (yet… I really want to, it's officially now on my bucket list), so I'm not 100% sure what goes on, but I'm basing it off of what is portrayed on the tv show. I do not know Theresa Caputo personally, although I feel like I do from watching her show. In order to fully understand how Theresa is, or how her show is run, I suggest watching one episode. It's only 30 min, and I swear, you will cry and laugh. I'm actually going to see her again in December when she returns to Westbury, and my dad surprised my mom and me with being able to meet and greet with a picture! I'm so freaking excited!**_

_**I know I said I'd never write a fic with a character death, but this isn't a fic where I'm writing someone who is going to die, or is dying. They are already dead, and going to communicate with Theresa. In this one-shot, Kendall is seeking Theresa to communicate with James, who passed. I won't give anything away since it will all be explained in the fic itself.**_

_**This is an AU fic, and Kendall will definitely be a little OOC. This is in show verse as well, as I only write slash in show verse. Big Time Rush never existed, but the friendships between the 4 boys does (or a little more than friendship… ;) )**_

_**So without further a do- Kendall Seeks a Medium.**_

_**I do not own BTR, or anything you may recognize. I do not own Theresa Caputo, the Caputo family, or "Long Island Medium". I do not own the TLC network either. **_

_Hello, my name is Kendall Knight, and I'm from Minnesota, but I'm currently living in New York. I'm here today to talk to Theresa so I can communicate with James. James was my boyfriend who passed away about a year ago from cancer. I just want to know if James is ok, and to release some guilt I've had built up over his death and when he was sick. I've also been a little skeptical about mediums, but I think if anyone can show me the truth, it would be Theresa. _

~*LINE BREAK*~

"Hello Kendall, I'd like to welcome you here today, thanks for coming out. Please take a seat." Theresa welcomes Kendall into her home.

"Thank you Theresa, I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice, I know you have a lot of clients."

Theresa holds Kendall's hands, "Kendall, don't worry about other people right now, today is all about you."

Theresa grabs some water for her and Kendall, and then sets up her cassette recorder so she can record today's session for Kendall. Before she starts, she takes a deep breath, and presses the record button. She starts her spiel, which is to welcome the spirits and allow the spirits to say what they need to say. After she's done, she takes another breath, and starts the session.

Theresa writes something down on her legal pad. "I'm sensing a young male's presence, do you know a young male who has passed?"

Kendall takes a deep breath and swallows, "Yes, that would be James."

"I see him holding hands, which usually means there was some romantic feelings involved, is that correct?"

"Yes, James was my boyfriend."

Theresa starts laughing, "James is such a crackup, he's literally shouting at me 'Theresa, can you see how fabulous I look? I have everything I need on the other side to stay pretty. No one can resist James Diamond.' Is that how James was?"

Kendall chuckles along with Theresa, and also shows how mind-blown he is, "Yes, James was always very out-there with his appearances, always made sure he was pretty. It was one of the things I loved about him." Kendall smiles fondly, remembering how every morning James would spend at least an hour in the bathroom trying to make sure his appearance was flawless.

"Please note that is the spirit's way of assuring you that he is happy and healthy on the other side." Theresa continues.

Theresa pauses her speech, and starts to scratch her arms. "Was there some sort of blood disease? Maybe cancer, like leukemia?"

Kendall swallows and blinks back tears, "Yes, James died from leukemia a little over a year ago."

~*LINE BREAK*~

_James dying was probably the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. He was my soul mate, my one and only, and he was here one minute, and the next he was gone. He battled leukemia when he was younger, but won the fight and sent it into remission after a round of chemo. He lived for five years cancer free, and in those five years we transitioned from best friends to best friends who are hopelessly in love with each other. But then he started getting sick, and we knew it was much more serious then the common cold or even the flu. He passed away not even four weeks after the diagnosis. _

~*LINE BREAK*~

"The spirit showed me that his death was pretty quick. That you barely had any time to register his disease before he passed." Theresa notes.

"James died not even four weeks after he was re-diagnosed." Kendall answered.

"He's making it seem that he did not suffer, is that true?"

Once again, Kendall is flabbergasted, "Yes, he died in his sleep."

Theresa once again writes something down on her legal pad, "How do you connect with the color purple?" And as he answers, she's writing down something else on the legal pad.

"Purple was James's favorite color." Kendall answers.

"Do you have something of James's that is purple?"

"Bandanas, lots and lots of bandanas, especially the ones that he used for bandana man." Kendall tells Theresa.

Theresa's eyes bug out of their sockets, and she shows what she's written on the legal pad.

"SHUT UP!" Theresa laughs. "As you can see, the spirit made me write 'bandanas' and 'bandana man'! Holy shit! This is so crazy!" Theresa celebrates.

Kendall tears up, he's remembering all the times James would dress up as bandana man to save him and his other two best friends, Logan and Carlos, from the "evil bad people" when they were younger. Sometimes, James would still dress up as bandana man for Kendall for shits and giggles. Although Kendall would complain that bandana man is annoying and is not a real superhero, Kendall wouldn't deny that he loved how kooky and cute James was when he was in character. He wishes he could see James as bandana man one more time. And at this realization, the tears start to fall.

"Do you sleep with an article of his clothing?" Theresa asks.

"I usually have one of his shirts in bed with me." Kendall admits tearfully. He has to admit, Theresa has been spot on so far with everything she's been saying.

"Please note that that is the spirit's way of acknowledging that and that he is right beside you." Theresa shares.

Kendall reaches for the ever-present box of tissues on Theresa's table. He starts to chuckle along with the tears that are pouring down his face. "That's amazing."

"The spirit showed me that he wants to talk about and take us back to the day of his passing. Did you not know he was as sick as he was?"

"He seemed fine that whole day, maybe a little tired, but that's to be expected. We didn't do much, but hang out and watch movies, and pig out on food." Kendall takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. "So when we said goodnight to each other, as we ritually do before we go to sleep, I had no idea that it would be my last goodnight to him. I had no idea that it would be the last time I get to talk to him, to feel him alive."

~*LINE BREAK*~

_You couldn't even tell James was as sick as he was by the time he passed. The last time he battled leukemia he lost all his hair (due to chemo), he had no appetite, he was always tired, and he got sick a lot because of his weakened immune system. But this time, since it was deemed that the chemo wouldn't work, he didn't lose his hair, he had an appetite, yes he was more tired than your average person but he wasn't tired like by getting out of bed and going to the kitchen table wasted his supply of energy for the day, and he didn't seem as depressed as he was the last time. Although he was basically diagnosed with a death sentence, he lived life everyday like it was his last, so it was undetectable to a stranger that he was dying. I figured I would be able to tell when he would die; I thought I had more time to prepare myself. But when I woke up that morning and he was cold and not breathing, I knew he passed. I felt so guilty; I felt like I didn't do enough, that maybe if I woke up earlier I could've saved him. I will always remember the day I lost my best friend, my lover, my soul mate, and no matter how much time will pass, that scar will never heal._

~*LINE BREAK*~

Theresa takes a deep breath, looking like she's trying to get her thoughts together. "He's telling you that no one would have had an idea that it was his time to go. He's also sorry he passed so suddenly, and he's sorry that he had to put you through that. He knows you feel guilty, and hears you say sometimes that if only you would've woken up earlier, if only you truly looked out for the signs that the day you spent together would've been your last. But he wants to tell you that there would've been no way for you to know, or for you to have prevented his passing. He wants you to stop feeling guilty, and to start living your life again."

All Kendall can do is nod and accept what James is telling him. He's too overcome with emotions to really say anything. No one else knows about how guilty he feels, so by Theresa saying that James knows about his guilt, he knows Theresa isn't a fake.

"The spirit showed me a map of the United States and pointed to the Midwest. How can you relate to that?"

"James and I are originally from the Midwest, we're both from Minnesota. James and I relocated to New York after James and I graduated from college. He wanted to pursue an acting career while I wanted to pursue a career as a hockey player for the New York Rangers."

Theresa starts cackling, "HA! I can't make this up! How would I know you're not from New York? He also showed me a picture of you two plus two other young males. Who are they?"

Kendall's eyes bug out, there was no way Theresa could've known about his other two best friends. "They are Logan and Carlos, our other two best friends. We all grew up together in Minnesota, but we all eventually went our separate ways, but we still keep in contact with each other and try to regularly visit each other."

Theresa starts to scratch at her arms, "Did something happen that had to do with a lot of scratches or cuts to the arms in the past?"

Again, Kendall's eyes bugged out. "James was abused when he was younger by his father. His father would cut him with a razor or burn him with his cigarette butts. It got so bad, James moved in with my family until we were both 18."

Theresa continues, "He wants to tell you how appreciative he always will be for you saving him. That he truly knew then how much you loved him, and that you truly did save him. He also is mentioning that without the support of you, Logan, and Carlos that he would've probably left the physical world sooner than he did, and for that he is forever grateful that you showed him what true love feels like."

Kendall's tears are endless. How could Theresa have known about the abuse? There was nothing present on Kendall about that, nor is it public knowledge. James may be sort-of well known, but James never spoke about any sort of abuse to the public. The only people that know are Kendall, Carlos, and Logan.

"The spirit is holding doves, which means that he's happy and at peace on the other side." Theresa shares.

"That's great. I'm so happy and relieved he's ok." Kendall says, with a weight lifted off his shoulders. He was always worried about if James is truly ok.

"Now is the time I ask, is there anything you would like to question the spirit while we're still in session?" Theresa asks.

"Actually yes, I want to know if he still can use his most prized possession in the spiritual world?"

Theresa closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, she responds "James said 'Kendall, of course I can still use my lucky comb! It goes with me everywhere!' and James is standing there currently combing his hair while looking at a compact mirror."

Kendall starts laughing, he knows Theresa had no idea about a lucky comb, and it was a test to see again if Theresa is really all that she's cracked up to be. "That's James. He always carried his lucky comb and compact mirror so whenever he felt like his hair was out of place, he could fix it."

"But he just told me, as much as I love my lucky comb, nothing will ever compare to the love I feel for you." Theresa shares, and she too is now overcome with emotion.

Theresa explained to Kendall at the beginning of the session that when she reads spirits, she has no emotions, no control over what is going on, and the spirit basically takes over her body. So by Theresa crying right now, it's really James that's upset. And that just makes the whole situation that much more powerful.

"James wanted to tell you that if you do ever decide to move on, that you should let yourself do so. He doesn't want you to hold yourself back because of him, and that he says he will always be with you. The love you two shared will never be forgotten and can never be replaced, however he said should you feel that way about someone else, don't be afraid of anything."

"But, what if I don't want to move on?" Kendall asks.

"James said whatever makes you happy, but he wants you to actually be happy."

Kendall closes his eyes, and finally feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He feels like he can literally take a breath, something he feels like he hasn't been able to do since before James passed away.

"I just got goose bumps" Kendall giggles as he rubs his arms.

"That's the spirit's way of passing through your body. What you're feeling right now is James embracing your soul."

Kendall hugs his arm to his chest, almost as if he can feel like its James's arms around his torso.

"James is talking about some sort of wedding, or is someone getting married?" Theresa asks Kendall.

Kendall blinks; he cannot believe James brought that up. No one knows about this yet since it just happened last night. "My sister Katie just got engaged to her long-time boyfriend. I can't believe he knows about that, this just happened yesterday! No one really knows about it yet." Kendall says stunned.

"Just know that that is the spirit's way of acknowledging that event, and that he will be attending the wedding in spirit."

Kendall feels warm inside; he knows Katie will be thrilled to know about that. Katie was actually the one to recommend Kendall to seek out Theresa Caputo. James had been like a second brother to Katie, more so when Kendall and James made their relationship into more than just best friends. When James passed, Katie took it almost as hard as Kendall did, and that's saying something. Katie isn't one to show emotion or be one for feelings, but with her family, it's a totally different story, and she considered James as family.

"How do you connect with the number 7?" Theresa asks.

"James was born in July, and I had romantic feelings for him for 7 years." Kendall admitted.

"James wanted to tell you he knew about your feelings for him way before you were willing to admit, because he too felt the same way."

Kendall whispers to himself, "Damn you James, we could've been together longer if only we weren't so stupid."

~*LINE BREAK*~

_Right after James was declared cancer free, I know I needed to tell him how I felt about him. I was so afraid he was going to de-friend me, and never speak to me again. But I know we were just so close to losing him before, I didn't want any more time to pass without him knowing how I truly felt about him. Logan and Carlos knew about my feelings towards him, and they always had a knowing smirk like they knew something I didn't. I now realize they too knew that the feelings James had for me were mutual, and they just wanted us to get together already. I finally declared my love to James, and in response all he did was grab me by the collar of my shirt and kiss me senseless. I knew I made the right decision, and I thought I was going to live the rest of my life with my best friend, but unfortunately, he was taken away from me much too soon._

~*LINE BREAK*~

"The night before he passed, he's showing me that you two had a deep conversation, and that he was trying to prepare you for the inevitable." Theresa comments.

"We did, he kept saying stuff about how if he were to die that night, which he ironically did, that he wants me to move on, and kept telling me how much he loved me." Kendall answers.

"He knew he was going to die that night, and although he didn't want to tell you in fear of you not wanting to actually sleep, he felt complete, like all he needed to say was said, that all things unspoken were paid for."

"That's what it felt like to me. And in truth, if I knew he was going to die, I wouldn't have gone to sleep. But in a way I'm happy he passed while I was sleeping, that way I remember him alive instead of him taking his last breath. I know if I saw that sight, I would remember that instead of the good things."

"And those were his intentions." Theresa reassures Kendall. "He also showed me a guitar and a piano. How do you connect with those instruments?"

"James and I both played piano and guitar. And in fact, we played and sang together the night before he passed. I haven't played or sang since, my heart's not in it."

"Well, just to let you know, whenever you do decide to play and sing again, James will be right there, and he will be singing and playing along with you. Oh gosh, he's singing to me, almost serenading me. Shut up James, I have a husband! And you're gay!"

Kendall laughs, finally laughing genuinely and feeling like he's finally at ease.

~*LINE BREAK*~

"You had a beautiful session. James seems like a wonderful guy, and I am truly sorry for your loss." Theresa says as she takes Kendall's hands.

"He was the best!"

Kendall and Theresa stand and she hugs him and holds him for a little while. He cannot express his gratitude towards Theresa, for getting in touch with James, for Kendall to finally start to heal. He's no longer a skeptic; he's a true believer. He's going to recommend her to everyone he knows, especially his mother who would want to get in touch with her husband (his dad) who also departed when he was a little boy. The feeling that James will always be with him is something that comforts Kendall, and although he's not sure whether or not he's ready to move on, he knows he has James's blessings if he does.

~*LINE BREAK*~

_Words cannot describe the session I just had with Theresa. Getting in touch with James was amazing, and I'm truly a believer. She knew things that couldn't have possibly been known to anyone besides me, and for that I really am a believer. James will always be with me, and now I can start to heal. I will always miss James, but I'm comforted to know he will always be with me in spirit._


End file.
